Yesterday marked the 10 year anniversary of my father dying. It was a difficult day as we sat in the ICU room with him. The doctors had done all that they could and we had made the decision to remove support. He was a very proud, hard working man. He wouldn't want to continue as he was. Along with family, I sat by his side as he took his last breath.
I miss you dad.
Yesterday, on this 10 year anniversary, I spent the afternoon meeting with a family planning a funeral for a loved one; a husband and father to 2 sons. He was almost the same age as my father was when he passed. And, like my father, the family had removed support and sat by his side as he passed.
But this post is not so much about the process of dying. That's another thing altogether. No, this is more about what happens next.
As I sat with the family at the funeral home, I became frustrated and disheartened. The funeral director poured over all of the details, and more specifically costs, and all of the options. The family looked at caskets and vaults and print packages and flowers and on and on... As you likely know, dying is expensive. One family recently commented that for the most basic burial service it cost $10,000. This doesn't even take into account medical bills and other care. Dying is expensive. It is also complicated
This is not a rail against funeral homes. I'm not sure what it is, only I kept thinking over and over that it should be different. Somehow, some way.
Two more little examples that I have pondered. For one, why is it that the interiors of caskets are always so frilly? I don't know how many times I've thought to myself, "That is not what that person was about." My dad, for example, was a simple, plain, no frills kind of guy. I joked that I want a flat screen installed with ESPN highlights running. I don't know, maybe I'm just ranting. But another thought somewhat related; why must we dress our loved ones the way we do for burial? I'll again use my dad as an example. My dad was buried in a suit, just as most men are. My dad NEVER wore suits. To be more like him, he should have had on blue jeans, a work shirt, and his work boots. Oh, and a coffee thermos. Definitely a coffee thermos.
I usually like to make some connection to the church in my posts. I wonder if there isn't a better way for churches to die as well. And less expensive. And less complicated. Maybe, but I've gone on long enough.
It should be different. Somehow, some way. That's all I know.
Chris
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Needed Perspective
Yesterday, I was once again reminded of how we really need some perspective in our lives.
To say that there is a negative, adversarial attitude running through our culture is probably and understatement. With the presidential election coming later this year, it is really being magnified. Then you add in this drive for more; more stuff and more consumption...
Now, let's talk church. I never cease to be amazed at some of the things we complain about and argue about in churches. And, being honest, there can be some really close-minded, judgmental, entitlement attitudes from church-going Christians. Ok, that was pretty blunt. True, but blunt. And no church is immune. I was just shared a story from someone who had visited Church of the Resurrection on Easter weekend. Yes, I'm talking about that mega church in Leawood. It is a great church. But this person was approached by a member and told, "You're sitting in our seats." And we thought that only happened in small churches.
Now for that perspective I mentioned. Yesterday I spoke with a member of my congregation. She has been a member for many years and quite an interesting lady. She recently got some difficult news as doctors told her that they believed she had cancer. After all of the tests, she got her prognosis yesterday: 3 months. She has been told that she likely has 3 months to live. And they won't be good 3 months. She will be moving into nursing care. She wants to meet to plan her funeral. My heart sank. It's still sinking.
Of course, I continued to deal with "brush fires" and issues. The world keeps plowing forward. *Sigh*
There is a great song from Tim McGraw called "Live Like You Were Dying." Isn't that what Jesus told us to do? When he was questioned about the end times, Jesus responded by telling us that know one knows the day or the hour. Instead, he calls us to live as if it could be any moment. Maybe 3 months. maybe not.
Funny how perspective can change things.
I'll close with this from someone I used to work with. He had visited his brother-in-law who was on his death bed. I believe it was cancer as well. His brother-in-law requested a wet cloth for his lips. Then he said, “We start off wanting $1,000,000. Over time, that keeps getting pared down until all we want is a little water on our lips.”
Perspective.
Chris
To say that there is a negative, adversarial attitude running through our culture is probably and understatement. With the presidential election coming later this year, it is really being magnified. Then you add in this drive for more; more stuff and more consumption...
Now, let's talk church. I never cease to be amazed at some of the things we complain about and argue about in churches. And, being honest, there can be some really close-minded, judgmental, entitlement attitudes from church-going Christians. Ok, that was pretty blunt. True, but blunt. And no church is immune. I was just shared a story from someone who had visited Church of the Resurrection on Easter weekend. Yes, I'm talking about that mega church in Leawood. It is a great church. But this person was approached by a member and told, "You're sitting in our seats." And we thought that only happened in small churches.
Now for that perspective I mentioned. Yesterday I spoke with a member of my congregation. She has been a member for many years and quite an interesting lady. She recently got some difficult news as doctors told her that they believed she had cancer. After all of the tests, she got her prognosis yesterday: 3 months. She has been told that she likely has 3 months to live. And they won't be good 3 months. She will be moving into nursing care. She wants to meet to plan her funeral. My heart sank. It's still sinking.
Of course, I continued to deal with "brush fires" and issues. The world keeps plowing forward. *Sigh*
There is a great song from Tim McGraw called "Live Like You Were Dying." Isn't that what Jesus told us to do? When he was questioned about the end times, Jesus responded by telling us that know one knows the day or the hour. Instead, he calls us to live as if it could be any moment. Maybe 3 months. maybe not.
Funny how perspective can change things.
I'll close with this from someone I used to work with. He had visited his brother-in-law who was on his death bed. I believe it was cancer as well. His brother-in-law requested a wet cloth for his lips. Then he said, “We start off wanting $1,000,000. Over time, that keeps getting pared down until all we want is a little water on our lips.”
Perspective.
Chris
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Struggling With Worship
Ok, it's confession time: I've been struggling with worship services. Maybe that sounds weird coming from a pastor. Maybe its even bad coming from a pastor. But, its true. Let me explain.
First, traditional worship. While this might surprise some, I do find value and meaning in a traditional worship setting... sometimes. I really like the hymns (when they don't drag too much) and I love a choir. That's the good news. However, there are things that just don't work for me. For one, there is a formality often to traditional worship that creates a rigidness. Whether it is the robes or the suits, it often feels like the formalities become more important than the worship. Further, I've never been a big fan of pre-printed prayers and calls to worship. While the communal aspect of our worship is important, it has always felt forced, those weren't "my" words of worship.
Now to contemporary. I have been a big proponent of contemporary worship. I helped start a contemporary service at my home church. My primary role at my last appointment was leading the contemporary service. I have loved the energy and music. I have loved the informality of it, where no one looks down on you if you are wearing jeans. I have loved more creative elements, like dance, drama, and videos that have fit better and been better accepted in contemporary settings. Still, something is missing. It has begun to seem more and more that contemporary is becoming as routine and predictable as, dare I say it, traditional. Where traditional can become more focused on the formality, contemporary often is more about the entertainment. There is a richness, a deep authenticity that seems to be missing.
I wish I had the answer, but if I did, this wouldn't be titled "struggling" with worship. I am drawn to something ancient, yet modern. But what does that look like. I have a few things I am going to try in the services I lead. I am contemplating using an affirmation of faith in all services. While not big on the pre-printed stuff, these are statements of what we believe. We are lacking in that. I have encouraged my praise band to work up more contemporarized versions of hymns. Perhaps we will bring in some more of the contemporary elements into the traditional setting.
I will say, that unlike many, I have enjoyed blended services. But those tend to upset the traditional and contemporary alike.
I'm still reflecting and searching. Oh, and definitely praying. For now, I simply quote those great theologians known as U2: "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
Chris
First, traditional worship. While this might surprise some, I do find value and meaning in a traditional worship setting... sometimes. I really like the hymns (when they don't drag too much) and I love a choir. That's the good news. However, there are things that just don't work for me. For one, there is a formality often to traditional worship that creates a rigidness. Whether it is the robes or the suits, it often feels like the formalities become more important than the worship. Further, I've never been a big fan of pre-printed prayers and calls to worship. While the communal aspect of our worship is important, it has always felt forced, those weren't "my" words of worship.
Now to contemporary. I have been a big proponent of contemporary worship. I helped start a contemporary service at my home church. My primary role at my last appointment was leading the contemporary service. I have loved the energy and music. I have loved the informality of it, where no one looks down on you if you are wearing jeans. I have loved more creative elements, like dance, drama, and videos that have fit better and been better accepted in contemporary settings. Still, something is missing. It has begun to seem more and more that contemporary is becoming as routine and predictable as, dare I say it, traditional. Where traditional can become more focused on the formality, contemporary often is more about the entertainment. There is a richness, a deep authenticity that seems to be missing.
I wish I had the answer, but if I did, this wouldn't be titled "struggling" with worship. I am drawn to something ancient, yet modern. But what does that look like. I have a few things I am going to try in the services I lead. I am contemplating using an affirmation of faith in all services. While not big on the pre-printed stuff, these are statements of what we believe. We are lacking in that. I have encouraged my praise band to work up more contemporarized versions of hymns. Perhaps we will bring in some more of the contemporary elements into the traditional setting.
I will say, that unlike many, I have enjoyed blended services. But those tend to upset the traditional and contemporary alike.
I'm still reflecting and searching. Oh, and definitely praying. For now, I simply quote those great theologians known as U2: "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
Chris
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Dis-Connected Church
I write this as I sit in one of the business sessions of the MO Annual Conference. Not that I am bored (clears throat), but rather I just feel compelled by recent events. The focus of this conference has been (long overdue) on youth and young adults. We have had some great messages and workshops that lead us, as the bishop says, to "remember the future." better late than never that we get serious about this. However, there is one thing painfully clear: there is a disconnect between the message of our leaders, our intentions, and what is actually being loved out. Big surprise, I know. A couple of examples.
This morning began with a learning time with Bishop Schnase. He spoke on the challenges of reaching new generations. In his talk, he shared a story of encountering a young lady outside of a mall. This young lady had some serious ink (tattoos for the uninformed), along with a number of piercings. His point was 1) there was nothing wrong with her appearance, but 2) that how her appearance was in part an effort to "belong" to a group, something more. During this time, a young lady was in the crowd, a young lady with some serious ink of her own. She was connecting to the Bishop's message and perhaps feeling like she belonged here. But, and isn't there always a but, her welcome feeling was short lived. Sitting next to her was an older, long time United Methodist. This person was audibly disagreeing with the bishop and being very judgmental. Talk about a disconnect. The young lady became so upset that she left in the middle of the talk crying. My wife encountered her in the bathroom trying to pull herself together.
Later, In our worship service, we continued to lift up ur youth and young adults. One youth had his iPad open during the service. Was he taking notes? Perhaps researching a topic; who knows. I mean, I'm writing this blog on my iPad. It's part of our culture. However, an older, long time United Methodist sitting behind the youth leaned forward and, wait for it, told him to put it away. Yep, pretty bold.
I wish these were isolated incidents, but they are not. These kind of experiences and far worse ones happen regularly. On the one hand, our leaders tell us to " remember the future." We applaud and say "amen" and even let our youth and young adults have some token leadership in our conference and churches. But, on the other hand, there is a generational struggle ongoing.
Everyone is losing. I repeat, WE ARE ALL LOSING!
We United Methodists pride ourselves on being a connectional church. But a dis-connect clearly remains.
Chris
This morning began with a learning time with Bishop Schnase. He spoke on the challenges of reaching new generations. In his talk, he shared a story of encountering a young lady outside of a mall. This young lady had some serious ink (tattoos for the uninformed), along with a number of piercings. His point was 1) there was nothing wrong with her appearance, but 2) that how her appearance was in part an effort to "belong" to a group, something more. During this time, a young lady was in the crowd, a young lady with some serious ink of her own. She was connecting to the Bishop's message and perhaps feeling like she belonged here. But, and isn't there always a but, her welcome feeling was short lived. Sitting next to her was an older, long time United Methodist. This person was audibly disagreeing with the bishop and being very judgmental. Talk about a disconnect. The young lady became so upset that she left in the middle of the talk crying. My wife encountered her in the bathroom trying to pull herself together.
Later, In our worship service, we continued to lift up ur youth and young adults. One youth had his iPad open during the service. Was he taking notes? Perhaps researching a topic; who knows. I mean, I'm writing this blog on my iPad. It's part of our culture. However, an older, long time United Methodist sitting behind the youth leaned forward and, wait for it, told him to put it away. Yep, pretty bold.
I wish these were isolated incidents, but they are not. These kind of experiences and far worse ones happen regularly. On the one hand, our leaders tell us to " remember the future." We applaud and say "amen" and even let our youth and young adults have some token leadership in our conference and churches. But, on the other hand, there is a generational struggle ongoing.
Everyone is losing. I repeat, WE ARE ALL LOSING!
We United Methodists pride ourselves on being a connectional church. But a dis-connect clearly remains.
Chris
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